Wednesday 28 May 2014

Google driverless cars to prompt you to be angry with other road users


Google driverless car

Google’s new driverless car will include digital instructions on when passengers should abuse fellow road users.

The car was unveiled at a conference in California, and Google executives explained it will allow road users to become more imaginative with their insults to one another.

As Google co-founder Sergey Brin explained, “We recognise that the driving experience isn’t just about getting from A to B, it’s about that interaction with other drivers.”

“As such, the Google car will still allow you to wave acknowledgement to the guy who lets you out at the intersection, whilst also giving the bird to the one who doesn’t know how to use lanes on a freeway.”

“And you are no longer just limited to one-handed gestures. Imagine the creativity when you can use your entire body?”

“Those of you who can legally carry a gun and like to wave it around threateningly will find it much easier to aim now you don’t have to worry about steering at the same time.”

Google driverless car

The car is expected to reach UK shores in the next couple of years, with European Google executives excited about what that might bring to the experience.

As one explained, “The Brits are already well-known for their heavy sarcasm when it comes to other drivers. How many have ‘applauded’ terrible driving around them?”

“But the freedom of a car with no controls could see some amazing advancements in angry piss-taking.”

“From the simple bare-arsed mooney, to standing through the sunroof to offer another a driver a lengthy and enthusiastic ‘bravo’ – the possibilities are endless.”

Driver Simon Williams told us, “I like the idea of having a chauffeur, whether it’s a computer or not.”

“But then again, this is Google, so I imagine it will probably try to take me the long way home and slow down in front of every roadside advertising hoarding.”

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