Friday 23 May 2014

Putin genuinely furious about man who talks to plants


Prince Charles Ukraine

Russian president Vladimir Putin has been reminded that he is taking offence from a man who formulates his opinions by talking them through with vegetation.

After Russian officials said they were ‘furious’ over comments made by Prince Charles about the Ukraine crisis during a public engagement this week, many have tried to explain that “it’s only Prince Charles”.

As political analyst Simon Williams explained to one concerned Russian official, “You only have to remember that if he hadn’t been squeezed from the Queen’s vagina he’d probably just be that weird guy in the park shouting at the bushes.”

Williams then told us, “I think Putin over reacting, definitely.”

“I mean, I once heard Prince Charles call a Daffodil a ‘selfish bloody prick’ – but you didn’t see me running of to the Royal Horticultural Society to complain, did you?”

“No, because I treated it for what it was, the ramblings of an old man who has as much idea about the real world as I do about only ever shitting in brand new toilets.”

Prince Charles on Ukraine

Republicans have explained that outbursts such as Charles’ should be expected, considering who is father is.

As one told us, “It could be so much worse, if he carries on like this he could be bordering on the ‘entertaining’ by the end of the decade.”

“That said, I do hope the irony of his complaints about the lack of a democratic process in Ukraine aren’t lost on him. Though I very much doubt they are.”

“Perhaps we can convince an Azalea to explain it to him?”

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