Thursday 22 May 2014 by Formelia Alberthine

Foreign mosquitoes taking opportunities from indigenous insects, claim UKIP


mosquitoes UKIP

The influx of foreign mosquitoes inhabiting UK cities is removing biting opportunities from far more deserving indigenous species, according to Nigel Farage.

The UKIP leader, responding to the findings of a study conducted by the University of Reading’s School of Biological Sciences, declared this the final straw for voters only willing to offer blood to native insects.

In a statement given to reporters outside the party’s headquarters, he said, “Would you give blood to a Romanian insect knowing you may be denying a British insect an opportunity to feed?”

“No. You wouldn’t.”

“So clearly the freedom being afforded this equally scurrilous brand of foreigner is an affront to the British insects who have resided on these shores since they were mere larvae.”

“To open up our borders to immigration on this scale, sometimes waving in swarms of hundreds of thousands without so much as a UK Citizenship Test, is outrageous.”

“Taking biting opportunities from their native counterparts is one thing, but spreading disease and buzzing about in another tongue are two other things.”

“It represents all that is wrong with the coalition who are so willfully turning a blind eye to the whims of the European Union.”

UKIP on foreign mosquitoes

UKIP sympathisers, the Daily Mail, have confirmed they intend to offer an additional supplement to their Friday edition to cope with the expected onslaught.

“We’ll be adding weight to Friday’s paper, so you can roll it up and squish the little buggers.”

“Noooo.”

“The mosquitoes, not your Romanian neighbours.”

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