Saturday 17 May 2014

‘Biggest dinosaur’ fossil put there as a joke by Jesus, claim creationists


Giant Dinosaur fossil found

The largest dinosaur fossil ever found was put in the ground by Jesus playing a practical joke, creationists have confirmed this morning.

Scientists believe it is a new species of titanosaur – an enormous herbivore dating from the Late Cretaceous period – though creationists say the find bears all the hallmarks of a classic Jesus prank.

Creationist Bill Matthews told us, “Everyone knows the Earth is only 6,000 years old – but that Jesus is such a card, so he’s forever out there, hiding funny things for us to find and make us think the Earth is older.”

“Sometimes I shake my fist at him in the sky laughing ‘Oh Jesus you big joker – don’t you know some idiots down here are taking your jokes seriously!’. I know he’s listening to me.”

“He watches us from up above in Heaven laughing his ass off at those of you thinking that giant lizards roamed the earth millions of years ago – which is patently preposterous to anyone who has read a Bible properly.”

“Those of us who know the truth can see it’s obvious that this massive bone was hidden there by an omnipotent superbeing trying to mess with your head.”

“And worst of all, you’re all falling for it!”

“You idiots.”

Giant dinosaur found

Scientists have said it’s not surprising to hear creationists dismiss this latest dinosaur find.

Paleontologist Dr Simon Williams told us, “I think expecting a creationist to be genuinely excited about a new fossil find is like expecting a Turkey to get excited about Christmas.”

“But they’re harmless enough. It’s not like creationists occupy lots of positions of power in business, politics and education, or as if they control some of the richest organisations on the planet.”

“Oh.”

Jesus – Like Santa, but for grown-ups

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