Friday 16 May 2014

UKIP’s ‘Days Since Last Embarrassing Revelation’ chart steadfastly remaining at zero


UKIP election embarrassing revelations

As UKIP’s small business spokesperson was revealed to own a restaurant accused of using illegal immigrant workers, many inside the party are wondering if they’ll get a day free of embarrassing revelations any time soon.

In June, the authorities raided a premises of a restaurant in Manchester set up by Amjad Bashir – who is standing for UKIP in this month’s European elections – on suspicion of immigration offences.

This latest in a series of embarrassing revelations about UKIP officials has meant the shiny new board at UKIP HQ which tracks days since the last embarrassing revelation, still shows a big shiny zero.

As spokesperson for the party explained, “We’ve invested in these magnetised numbers to replace the zero, but they’re still in the plastic wrapper. I can’t see us needing them any time soon.”

“It’s OK though, I’ve still the got the receipt so I can probably return them after the election.”

UKIP immigration revelation

One UKIP insider explained the latest revelations are actually good for the party.

They explained, “People have to understand that uncontrolled immigration is bad, unless you can find a way to exploit it for personal gain – then it’s OK.”

“Though obviously I’d prefer the people who worked for Amjad Bashir not to be in the country in the first place, now they’re here why not give them a job at below minimum wage and save himself a few quid?”

“This is all the more reason to vote UKIP, to stop UKIP exploiting the people UKIP don’t want here.”

“We might actually turn that into a poster – ‘Vote UKIP to stop UKIP’.”

“Would you vote for us then?”

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