Wednesday 14 May 2014

Cancer still ignoring bastards


Cancer still ignoring bastards

After claiming the life of inspirational teenager Stephen Sutton, cancer has confirmed it plans to continue taking good people and leaving society’s total shits well alone.

Sutton died peacefully in his sleep early this morning, and will be remembered for raising a record-breaking £3.3m for cancer research, after his plight was picked up on social media.

Many have questioned why cancer has taken someone who clearly had so much to offer the world, whilst so many vacuous wastes of organic matter continue to live on, right in our faces.

Facebook user Simon Williams told us, “There are murderers, child molesters and politicians walking around, healthy as you like, and yet this incredible boy is the one taken by the disease.”

“What sort of disease would do that? If I didn’t know better I’d say it was some sort of sociopath.”

“I don’t want to name names, but I could think of a dozen people I’d rather cancer had taken from the world than Stephen, and that’s just from reality television.”

“Why is it you never hear of cancer taking the life of a complete and utter bastard, answer me that eh?”

Cancer leaving bastards alone

Cancer researchers have said that Stephen’s fundraising will go a long way to improving the chances of those like him in years to come.

However a spokesperson for cancer told us, “So what, I literally couldn’t give a shit and I’ll do what I like.”

If you want to add to Stephen’s incredible total, you can donate here: Stephen Sutton fundraising page

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