Monday 12 May 2014 by Formelia Alberthine

Liverpool retain ‘Laughing Stock’ title


Liverpool title

Liverpool have retained the ‘Laughing Stock’ title they have held for the past 24-years after the conclusion of the Premier League saw Manchester City crowned Champions.

Despite topping the table with 5-games to go, the Merseyside outfit threw in the towel with such abandon, the entire squad were forced to use a surplus of ‘Premier League Champions 2013/2014’ scarves from the club shop to dry themselves after post-match showers.

Following their home win against Newcastle, Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers assured the club’s fans a summer transfer window spent wasting tens of millions of pounds on sub-standard players would see his charges leading the field for much of next season’s campaign.

“We’ll look to add a few new faces, faces that by the end of next season will look as disheartened as Gary Barlow reading this morning’s newspapers,” he told reporters.

“But that’s what being a Liverpool player is all about.”

“We’ll certainly look to shore up our defensive ranks with a number of up-and-comings who couldn’t keep out a comatose Jehovah’s Witness at forty paces.”

Liverpool title secured

Ryan Giggs, temporary coach of this year’s Laughing Stock runner-up, Manchester United, said he was proud at the part he had played in his side’s surge for the moniker.

“It was an honour.”

“To be associated with a team of defending champions so inept, the only time they came away with anything at home was when they got the maid to carry out their packed lunch, was overwhelming.”

“I hope next season’s team remembers to thank us for making them look good.”

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