Tuesday 6 May 2014 by Formelia Alberthine

Nation hits out at Katie Hopkins’ ‘thoughtless’ respiratory system


Katie Hopkins on Peaches Geldof

The nation has hit out at the respiratory system of social commentator Katie Hopkins for continuing to give her the ability to spout her abhorrent opinions.

The news comes after Hopkins took to Twitter to renounce the passing of Peaches Geldof and the public’s reaction to her death, claiming a working class mother who succumbed to drug abuse would receive criticism rather than sympathy.

Social media fan, Sheila Mount, said that it’s almost as if her lungs don’t even care that they are contributing to making society a little bit worse every time they push air past her vocal chords.

She explained to reporters, “At best her respiratory system is merely thoughtless, at worst it is as guilty as she is.”

“I bet it doesn’t lie awake at night wondering why it keeps sucking in the oxygen she needs, does it?”

“Maybe it’s spent too long in a symbiotic relationship with a human who thinks the level of sympathy on someone’s death is based on the social standing of the deceased.”

“I’m sure it never started out thinking, ‘one day, I will provide air to one of the worst human beings on television’ – but respiratory systems never do.”

“It’s high time her breathing apparatus formed their own judgement based on her upper class origins and packed it in.”

Katie Hopkins

A source close to the respiratory system said that it had been trying to free itself from Hopkins for years.

They told us, “Do you know what it’s like to hear every single thing that woman says, whatever the time of night or day?”

“Well her lungs do. They’ve been kept captive for as long as they can remember, and forced to support her views despite their own more moderate stance on most things.”

“They haven’t given up hope that one day they might find themselves inside someone who doesn’t make Boko Haram look like Help the Aged.”

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