Tuesday 6 May 2014

Coca-Cola wondering if they’ll have to take out the Cocaine again


Coca-cola ingredients

Coca-Cola have admitted that if people keep looking at what’s inside its leading product, it might be forced to remove highly addictive drugs for the second time.

With Brominated vegetable oil expected to be removed from their US product line in the near future, executives at the firm have asked that consumers stop worrying about ingredients, and start focussing on how they’ll get their next ‘fix’.

Chief product marketer, Simon Williams told us, “OK, you got us with the BVO, it’s not that great for you – but let’s just leave it there, shall we? There’s no reason to get those scientist folks looking at the rest of the ingredients.”

“Why not just think of it as delicious natural brown fizzy water and leave it at that?”

“There’s no need to think about what’s in the actual can. All you need to know is that like all healthy drinks it’s delicious, moreish, and once you’ve consumed it for a while it’s nearly impossible to stop wanting it.”

“Sure, a teeny weeny bit of cocaine was an ingredient back in the good old days, but you really don’t need to test for that these days.”

“That would definitely be a massive waste of everyone’s time and effort.”

Coca-Cola recipe change

Consumers have welcomed the change, claiming that drinking coke at parties was turning them into massive chatterboxes, whilst making them prone to huge mood swings and paranoia.

Coke fan Mike Mathison told us, “Man I gotta get my Coke fix, you know? It’s not that I need it, it’s just that I really really gotta have it, yeah?”

“You got any cans on you? I’ll even take a small bottle of the warm flat stuff man, whatever you got.”

“Just one more fix, I promise.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: