Tuesday 6 May 2014 by Formelia Alberthine

BBC to trial Jeremy Clarkson ‘mute’ button


Jeremy Clarkson mute button

After Jeremy Clarkson’s latest misdemeanour found him embroiled in allegations of racism, the BBC is set to trial a mute button designed to silence the controversial presenter during his broadcasts.

The Top Gear host, who was filmed reciting a racist children’s counting rhyme which ends with a racial epithet, has argued his attempts to mumble the offensive word when trying to out-count his IQ were sufficient to absolve him of suggestions of racism.

A spokesman for the corporation, who wished to remain nameless, claimed senior management were prepared to launch the ‘Clarkson mute’ function from a brand new digital menu.

Speaking last night our BBC source told us, “Of course he is unhappy at the news, he went so far as to call us ‘populist bastards’.”

“But as we made sure to mumble when we told him of our intentions, it can’t be true can it?”

“In any event, we are certain that viewers will welcome the BBC lavishing millions of pounds on silencing a broadcaster to whom we pay millions of pounds just to be heard.”

“The ‘Clarkson mute’ button should be ready for launch for the Autumn schedule.”

Clarkson mute button

The spokesman suggested the feature could be the first of several new functions geared to enhance the viewing experience of licence fee payers.

“Come election time in 2015, we will add an additional button to expunge UKIP Leader, Nigel Farage, allowing viewers to not only silence, but completely remove him from all news and current affairs coverage.”

“The ‘Farage Mirage’ will complete in December 2015.”

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