Thursday 1 May 2014 by Formelia Alberthine

Findus to rebrand Chicken Kiev as ‘Chicken Moscow’


Chicken Kiev becomes Chicken Moscow

Ready-meal giants Findus have responded to the escalation in pro-Russian extremism in the Ukraine by rebranding their Chicken Kiev range to Chicken Moscow, according to reports.

The ready-meal giants stress the move – which has infuriated native Ukrainians – demonstrates the kind of forward thinking sure to broaden the appeal of one of their staple offerings.

Findus Marketing Director, Simon Williams, told us that the change represented good business sense.

He explained, “Rather than paying lip service to the ongoing crisis in the area by removing Chicken Kiev from the shelves and waiting for its conclusion, we decided to take our lead from Nato and the UN.”

“The measures they have taken appear to indicate their complete acceptance of the inevitable reconstruction of the USSR.”

“And what better way to commemorate such a laisez-faire approach to the disbanding of a sovereign nation, than by disbanding our association with its most widely recognised national dish.”

“Someone from Vladimir Putin’s regime also told us that the chickens themselves want to be Russian, so what more evidence do you need?”

“Plus we always felt Chicken Kiev was a rubbish name anyway.”

Chicken Kiew rebranding

Ukrainians angry at the company’s stance have promised to strike back against the pro-Russian move with a name change of their own.

“We will fight hard against both the oppression from Findus and Russia by aligning ourselves with another set of oppressed peoples who fought hard against a similar breach of international law.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to announce the launch of ‘Chechen Kiev.”

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