Friday 25 April 2014

EU migrants urged to marry UKIP officials to become less scary


Nigel Farage German wife and EU migrant worker

EU migrants have been told that taking a job that could have been done by a British worker is OK, as long you marry a UKIP official first.

Reports this morning show that UKIP leader Nigel Farage has been defending the job done by his German wife, whilst others within the party said they are happy to make an exception on their EU migrant stance for any hot migrant that they sleep with.

Mr Farage told reporters, “Being a personal assistant to me is a difficult job, and one that no British person would be able to do to my complete satisfaction. So my EU migrant wife is perfect for the job.”

“Plus, some of the other things I ask her to do for me could get me in quite a lot of trouble if I’d hired someone from the local job centre.”

“The fact that she is from outside the UK and could only look for work here thanks to current EU legislation is beside the point. EU migrant workers are evil and stealing your jobs. Except this EU migrant who is actually quite nice.”

“Of course it’s different. Shut up!”

UKIP EU workers

Voters have responded with surprise to the UKIP stance, insisting that it makes a nice change for a politician to explain what they actually get out of a situation.

Vote Simon Williams told us, “I get it, EU migrants are bad, unless you get one into bed, in which case they’re alright.”

“Having blown a week’s wages at Spearmint Rhinos last night I think I’d tend to agree with Nigel.”

“They all said no, though.”

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