Tuesday 22 April 2014

Heroin addicts regret recreational use of Blur back catalogue


Damon Albarn Heroin use

Rueful heroin addict Simon Williams, 46, has described his past use of Blur’s music as ‘part of me growing up’.

The wasted former IT worker said he did not “totally see it as a mistake” and that he had initially looked upon the band as “very creative.”

“You have to understand the times,” Williams told us. “Britpop in 1995 was regarded as something harmless, positive even.”

“One day I came home to find a copy of Park Life on the coffee table. People were passing it around and having a listen. I was as curious as anybody else.”

“It started with just a few brief plays on my friend’s turntable, but it wasn’t long before I found myself humming along.”

“What started out as sympathetic humming, swiftly escalated into the tapping of my feet and an urge to move my body rhythmically.”

“Pretty soon I was listening to other Britpop acts like Pulp and even – God help me – Menswear.”

“When Blur released their follow up, ‘The Great Escape’, I was down to my last tenner. I’d become withdrawn and spent most days hiding behind my fringe.”

“Pretty soon I was injecting Albarn directly into my cock. That’s when I realised I had a problem.”

“The hardest part is knowing that I got many of my friends hooked on Blur, either by CD or file-sharing. Some of them didn’t make it.”

Last night, Williams remained philosophical about his former life.

“Even during the worst of my excesses, I was clear-sighted enough to recognise Think Tank as a crock of shit.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: