Wednesday 16 April 2014

Actual mad scientist busy smearing excrement on whiteboard


Mad scientist

After hiring a mad scientist in the hope of taking innovation to the next level, executives at a leading research firm say the initial results have been disappointing.

An insider at the firm explained that they had hoped bringing a mad scientist on board could lead to significant revenue gains and unprecedented levels of innovation across the group.

As one executive told us during interview, “I’ve grown up in an era where literature is full of mad scientists capable of great feats of physics and engineering – taking the sort of giant technological leaps us mere mortals could only dream of.”

“So the board unanimously backed my proposal thinking it would make them look good in front of the shareholders, and so we went looking for one.”

“We found our guy after a lengthy search, learning that he had been hospitalised for a good few years – and the doctors assured us he was indeed ‘very mad’.”

“Yet so far he’s not invented a single machine capable of taking over the world.”

Mad scientist ‘disappoints’

The insider went on to explain that his vision of having a mad scientist under his control did not involve expensive cleaning bills and sections of the lab closed ‘due to the smell’.

He went on, “We figured he’d invent something amazing, we’d put it on the Internet and either Google or Facebook would buy it for a few billion quid. Simple.”

“But unless shit-covered whiteboards are suddenly the next big thing, all I’m seeing is a wasted investment.”

However the scientist’s former doctor told us, “He has a severe psychotic disorder, which requires medication and constant supervision.”

“The poor man is ill, but I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised some corporate prick saw a way to make a few quid out of him.”

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