Friday 11 April 2014

And what did Jesus say about the money lenders, nation asks David Cameron


David Cameron Jesus

After claiming that Jesus Christ invented the Big Society, voters everywhere have asked the Prime Minister what Jesus thought of people who made a living by lending people money.

David Cameron told Christian leaders gathered at Downing Street that he was essentially a modern-day Jesus who happened to be well-educated and had a lot of rich friends.

He told those gathered, “You know, the Big Society was essentially Jesus’ idea, and I’m merely continuing God’s work in ensuring its rigorous implementation.”

“I think the bit about the money lenders was a mistranslation – I think that instead of throwing them from the temple he actually created a deregulated market for them and then offered  some extremely generous tax incentives to bring more of them in.”

“He wanted to ensure there were adequate rewards available for risking other people’s money.”

“Yes, that’s what actually happened.”

However some of those gathered questioned the prime minister’s motives in aligning himself with Jesus in a room full of Christians.

As one of the assembled Christians explained, “I just think that if the Conservative party is going to start invoking Christian values at the heart of its policy decisions, there are better places to start.”

“I seem to remember Jesus trying to heal the lepers, not asking ATOS inspectors to send them to work stacking shelves in ASDA.”

Cameron is Jesus

The electorate have reacted by claiming that nothing surprises them these days when MPs are trying to ingratiate themselves with a special interest group.

Voter Simon Williams explained, “If he’d been talking to environmentalists he’d probably have likened himself to an endangered Panda, doing all he can to help himself and his family.”

“That said, he has shown some true Christian values by cherry-picking which bits of the bible he’d like to live his life by.”

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