Monday 7 April 2014

Harvard students to get lessons in angry shouting and pointing


Alex Ferguson teaching at Harvard

Students at Harvard University are to become skilled in angrily pointing at their watches and shouting at people fifty yards away, thanks to a teaching position given to Sir Alex Ferguson.

Ferguson will take on the part-time role to ensure the next generation of American academics, leaders and entrepreneurs have the necessary skills to berate their way to the very top.

A spokesperson for the University explained the appointment, telling reporters, “We wanted someone who could give our students a different perspective on what it takes to get to the top of your chosen profession.”

“We have plenty of people to teach them life skills, theory and critical thinking – what we don’t have is someone who understands pointing, shouting and intimidation techniques.”

“It was a toss-up between Sir Alex Ferguson, and the head of one of the Italian families in New York.”

“Ferguson was cheaper.”

Alex Ferguson Harvard role

Sir Alex spoke of his pride at his new appointment, saying he was looking forward to imparting wisdom to the world’s future leaders.

He told those gathered outside his class, “I’ve spent a lifetime learning the best way to point and shout, and to let people on the other side of a field know that I know what time it is – and this is something I look forward to passing on to these impressionable young minds.

“They are all learning so fast I’ve been quite taken aback. Three minutes before my first seminar ended they all stood up and started pointing at their own watches.”

“I’ve never been so proud.”

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