Wednesday 2 April 2014

Does not getting an Xbox One count as emotional cruelty, ask children


Cinderella law, emotional cruelty, children

Children across the country have asked if the proposed ‘Cinderella’ law preventing emotional cruelty to children will include them receiving substandard Christmas presents.

The proposed change to neglect laws in England and Wales would see parents who deny their children affection face prosecution for the first time, with many children saying affection probably needs a clearer definition.

Seven year-old Jake Williams told us, “It is us children you are trying to protect, so how about you ask us what constitutes ‘affection’ before you go making any laws, eh?”

“Affection should, by its very definition, be something that I, and other children crave above all else. Should it not?”

“Yet, I would much rather forgo a hug from my Dad in return for an Xbox One or a new bike.”

“So by that definition, ‘affection’ constitutes a list of things I want and me not getting them is emotional cruelty – which could land my parents in prison. I think that’s perfectly clear.”

“I tell you now, this is going to make putting my Christmas list together so much more fun.”

Cinderella law

People who deal with children on a daily basis have said that the proposed Cinderella law is quite literally the most batshit crazy suggestion to come out of the coalition offices since they took power.

Teacher Sheila Matthews told us, “Unfortunately, modern children know how to work the legal system – as any teacher who has felt tempted to clip the ear of one of their charges will tell you.”

“Giving them the ability to prosecute you based on how they ‘feel’ will see an upsurge in youth blackmail like you’ve never imagined.”

“Within a generation we’ll have raised a nation whose only skill is extortion.”

“But I suppose at least they won’t be bankers.”

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