Tuesday 1 April 2014 by Gary Stanton

Full employment pledge ‘a massive April Fool’s joke’, admits George Osborne


George Osborne April Fool

Chancellor George Osborne has admitted his pledge to find work for everyone was a massive April Fool’s piss-take.

The Chancellor’s pledge to create two million new jobs was exposed as a callous spoof when grinning treasury officials admitted they’d been planning it for weeks.

Late yesterday evening, senior Tories asked their Lib Dem counterparts if they wanted to take part in the best joke since Nick Clegg’s tuition fees promise.

“That speech at Tilbury docks worked a treat”, Osborne told his close Treasury colleagues.

“How many Tories do you think really give a toss about the unemployed?”

“April Fool!”

George Osborne’s April Fool

There are a number of different definitions of “full employment”, which the Chancellor insists happens when inflation falls below two per cent.

Meanwhile, Osborne accused those who failed to see the funny side as being ‘a bunch of miserable bastards.’

Those without a sense of humour have been instructed to keep looking for non-existent jobs or face having their benefits axed.

“We’ve had people ringing up asking when they can start work!” Osborne beamed.

“We were absolutely pissing ourselves,” added PM David Cameron

“Nobody can say we don’t know how to have a laugh.”

Long-term unemployed man Simon Williams said, “Yeah, they had me going there for a minute!”

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