Thursday 27 March 2014 by Formelia Alberthine

Man Utd finally pick up 3 points at home thanks to Old Trafford speed camera


Old Trafford Three points

David Moyes hopes his Manchester United side have turned a corner having been gifted 3-points at home after the club’s team bus was flashed by an Old Trafford speed camera during a training session joyride.

The former Everton Scotsman is said to have forced the entire first team on to the vehicle during an early morning training session before making off towards the Theatre of Dreams.

Speaking through an interpreter, the only member of Sir Alex Ferguson’s back-room team to keep his post, Moyes recounted how his tactics had finally came to fruition.

He told reporters, “The lads turned up for training a little sheepish following the home defeat to City and were astonished to find me up front in the team bus.”

“I encouraged them to board the vehicle in rigid banks of four, with a huge goalpost width gap right through the middle so I could walk through messing things up if needs be.”

“I instructed our only World Class player to drop deep, or move to any where but his optimum boarding position.”

Man United get the points

Moyes went on, “It was chaos for all of 90 minutes.”

“But once boarded I floored it to Old Trafford and we came away with the three points.”

A club insider remained coy on the chances of Moyes’ picking up major honours during his reign.

“I think there is more chance of BA naming one of its 777 fleet ‘MH370’.”

“If he carries on joyriding, the only honour he’ll see will be ‘Your Honour’.”

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