Wednesday 12 March 2014

Arsene Wenger welcomes opportunity to focus on domestic excuses


Arsenal excuses

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has welcomed his team’s exit from the Champions League, insisting it will give him and his team time to focus on excuses for their ongoing domestic failure.

After an aggregate 3-1 defeat to current holders Bayern Munich, Arsenal are now left to focus on failing dismally in the premier league and FA Cup.

Arsene Wenger told a press conference at the Emirates stadium, “Fighting for abject failure on all fronts is simply not possible, as we have seen last night.”

“Now is the time to regroup, look at ourselves in the mirror and prepare the excuses we will all hide behind when we end the season trophyless.”

“In the FA Cup we are one of four teams that can win it, with Wigan, Hull and Sheffield United – so this can only end really badly for us.”

“I have a laminated injury list for you all to take away with you, which I’d like you to lead with when we get knocked out.”

Arsenal out of Europe

With fans expecting a capitulation in the FA Cup and premier league over the coming weeks, many have said it’s nice to have excuses still in reserve as the season reaches mid-March.

Season ticket holder Simon Williams told us, “Normally the league doesn’t require an excuse, as we’re nowhere near from before Christmas, but this year not winning it will mean we have to line up all sorts of excuses – and that’s progress.”

“Sure, we’ll end up with an empty trophy cabinet again come May, but we’ll have plenty of sob stories to fall back on.”

“And at the end of the day, at least we’re not Man City.”

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