Monday 3 March 2014

Badger cull still pretty good fun, admit farmers


Badger cull a failure

After an independent scientific assessment proved that last years’ badger cull pilot was a complete failure, every farmer involved said it was tremendous fun nonetheless.

Analysis commissioned by the government found the number of badgers killed fell well short of the target deemed necessary, meaning that those doing the killing could have had an awful lot more fun along the way.

This shortfall was caused by many badgers taking longer to die than expected, meaning those involved in the cull couldn’t move onto the next badger as quickly as they would have liked.

As one of the hired marksmen involved in the cull explained, “For a truly effective cull we need bigger guns, missiles and maybe even a few grenades.”

“Sitting in a sniper hole at night picking off a few badgers when we come across is them is fun for a while, but it soon gets quite old.”

“I’m just saying that sharp shooting is great, but if we want to make a real dent then we need to get in amongst them with rapid-firing machine guns and maybe a sword?”

“I’d be up for that.”

Badger cull

Supporters of badger sets across the country said that maybe we should explore making it a fair fight.

Badger fan Simon Williams explained, “If fun is what they want, then how about a satisfying victory against a worthy opponent, rather than picking off an undefended one from a hundred yards away.”

“Maybe a cage fight, or at least look at arming the badgers?”

“Not only would it be more ‘fun’, but I bet Sky would be interested in televising it.”

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