Friday 21 February 2014

British curling hooligans decimate Sochi


British Curling hooligans

The centre of Sochi has been left decimated after hordes of British curling hooligans wrought destruction on their surroundings in the run up to today’s men’s final.

With Britain set to take on Canada in the 1:30pm final, so-called fans have been drinking heavily and picking fights with locals and opposition fans alike.

Running battles throughout the streets of Sochi have seen bars and restaurants destroyed and numerous arrests made.

A Sochi police spokesperson told us, “We had heard rumours of the infamous curling hooligans, but nothing had prepared us for this.”

“They were shouting at passers-by, drinking heavily and abusing other nations in the form of song long before the violence broke out.”

“We suspect some of these people are not even curling fans at all, they are just here to fight.”

Curling final

A member of the British curling ‘firm’ agreed to speak with us on the basis we didn’t print his name.

He told us, “We’re here to show these poncy foreigners how it’s done.”

“I always said I’d never miss it if we made it to a major final, and here I am. I can’t wait to see the boys smash the Canadians, and if I get a chance to smash a few Canadians myself on the way to the ice-cube, then great!”

Olympic officials have appealed for calm before the final, but also admitted that it was proving difficult to root out hooliganism in the sport.

A spokesperson told us, “We have programmes of education in place, but ultimately if a fan wants to come here, get drunk and fight, there’s not a lot we can do about it.”

“It’s just a shame for curling.”

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