Friday 14 February 2014

Prime Minister to spare no expense in repairing damaged flood defence reputations


Cameron flood assistance

Prime minister David Cameron has told the nation that no expense will be spared when attempting to repair the damaged political reputations left in the wake of the latest round of flooding.

With many high-profile politicians and civil servants currently at the mercy of the press and regional communities, Cameron insisted that potentially limitless funds will be made available to ‘make them whole again’.

The prime minister explained, “What we are seeing before us is unprecedented damage to political reputations – and this is something your average public official simply cannot plan for.”

“As such, I have moved to ensure that whatever needs to be spent, will be spent, giving these public officials the resources they need to have their reputations returned to the levels seen before the floods.”

“Admittedly that won’t be too hard for some of them.”

Flood damaged reputations

Political workers in flood damaged areas have welcomed the move, claiming that the reputation of an incompetent bureaucrat is worth far more than that of a constituent’s new sofa.

Somerset Conservative party activist Simon Williams told us, “I’m so glad that Whitehall is finally taking notice of how difficult it’s been for us here in the flood zones.”

“Torrential blame is flying about all over the place and you can see the political carnage all around us. I’m literally up to my knees in it.”

“We’ve got maps of the devastation to our approval rating that could take years to get back to where they were. Our worst fear is that some of the damage will never recede.”

“Before this announcement from the prime minister I couldn’t see how we could ever possibly recover.”

“But I’m sure with their help, and their deep pockets, it won’t be too long before we’re back on our feet, door-stopping people to explain why none of this is our fault.”

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