Monday 10 February 2014 by Gary Stanton

3D printer creates new backbone for Nick Clegg


Nick Clegg new 3D spine

A leading orthopaedic surgeon has used the latest 3D printing techniques to create a new backbone for Lib Dem leader and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

Clegg lost his original backbone after caving in to David Cameron on almost every important issue to face the country since 2010.

The 48 year-old decision-avoider’s posture has been likened to that of a late middle-aged slug and he has slept on a water-bed ever since.

However scientists claim that Clegg will now be able to stand up to Conservatives with the aid of a stick after the all-new vertebral column was transplanted last Thursday morning.

The new spine is supported by titanium rods and means Clegg can sit comfortably on any fence without leaning too far to the left or right.

His surgeon told reporters, “This is a first for the 3D printing industry, and a first for us. We weren’t sure we could fuse the new spine to something that thought it was made of teflon.”

“Mr Clegg is both please and dismayed to learn that some things actually stick for good.”

3D printed spine for Clegg

However, the procedure was not without problems and the politician faced a lengthy delay when the printer ran out of atoms.

Three days passed while technicians figured out how to install the new cartridge, only for the machine to fail again when a draw became stuck.

“The new backbone should cure Nick’s indecisiveness but he will still walk a bit funny,” said consultant orthopaedic Simon Williams.
He added:

“3D printing allows us to recreate almost any three-dimensional shape from computer data, but we are still light years away from being able to grow him a new pair of balls.”

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