Technology is evil and must be banished from the London Tube network, according to RMT and TSSA union bosses today.
As the union staged a walkout disrupting services across the capital, officials said that until computers, engines and other ‘useless technologies’ were removed from the tube network, the strikes would continue.
RMT leader Bob Crow explained, “This strike is about mankind’s unending technological advancement, and how that is always a bad thing that should be feared and rejected by all who encounter it.”
“Technology has brought nothing but pain to my members, and we want it gone from London underground.”
“The tube is an incredible institution, and nothing would give my members greater pleasure than seeing it return to the halcyon days of horse-drawn carriages, top hats and polio.”
“You really do have to ask – much like the Romans, what has technology ever done for us?”
Tube users have said the Crow is setting his sights a little low and he should push for fares to be paid in groats to people wearing chainmail and carrying holding swords.
Oyster card user Simon Williams told us, “I get that he’s against technology, as every little feat of human engineering eats away at his little kingdom – I’d be pissed off if I was him.”
“But I’d also realise that stomping my feet and trying to halt the progress of technology in the world around me is about as futile as stomping my feet and trying to halt the progress of technology around me.”
“As it is we’re paying £50k a year to tube drivers who are little more than glorified button pressers. The sooner all the tubes are run by computer, the better.”