Thursday 23 January 2014

Planet strongly suggesting Florida reclassify drunk driving a capital offence


Justin Bieber arrested for drink driving

The United States’ eagerness to kill people who break the law suddenly seems perfectly reasonable according to people learning of the arrest of Justin Bieber today.

Bieber was arrested after taking part in an illegal drag race after drinking alcohol and smoking Marijuana – a crime many are now equating to murder and felony drug-trafficking.

Music fan Simon Williams told us, “I’ve been a staunch opponent of capital punishment in the United States for as long as I can remember, but then you have to look at how heinous a crime drag racing actually is.”

“If you really think about it, it’s up there with rape and child molestation. And they did catch Justin Bieber absolutely red-handed, didn’t they?”

“It’s not like there could be a miscarriage of justice here, is there?  I mean he was driving, racing in fact, after drinking and taking drugs. It seems pretty clear-cut to me.”

“I think as long as they don’t have any fourteen year old girls on the jury they’d find him guilty in no time.”

“They should make sure it’s a capital crime then just electrocute him and everyone can move on with their lives safe in the knowledge justice has been done.”

Justin Bieber arrested

Legal experts have said reclassifying a crime could take state and federal intervention, but that early indications are that it was an extremely popular move.

As one lawyer explained, “The decision to make drag racing punishable by death would be a vote winner not just in Florida, but could lead to the white house for anyone that implements it.”

“Plus they’d be the most popular American around the world in decades.”

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