Wednesday 22 January 2014

Twitter urged to consider treatment for arsehole infestation


Twitter trolls go for Stan Collymore

Friends of social network Twitter are to have a quiet word to see if it plans on addressing what is obviously a really bad case of ‘complete arseholes’.

The microblogging platform appears to have let itself go in recent times, turning a seemingly blind eye to the fact that it now regularly reeks of rotten arseholes.

As one friend of the platform explained, “Look, I love Twitter, and like any good friend I’m going to have to tell them that they currently smell pretty bad.”

“I don’t know if they realise, but like your mate with bad breath we’re going to have to let them know in a subtle way, as people screaming ‘you smelly bastard’ at it across the platform clearly isn’t working.”

“Every time I see them there’s a faint whiff of arsehole that follows it around. It’s pretty disgusting.”

“They don’t seem to realise what they actually look and smell like at the moment, so I’m beginning to wonder if they own a single mirror?”

Twitter abuse

Talksport presenter Stan Collymore said he has found himself infected with hundreds of arseholes, with Twitter being responsible for passing them on.

He told reporters, “Right now Twitter don’t seem to care that they’re passing these arseholes on to their users.”

“They’re not dealing with it, they’re not taking responsibility and they’re infecting everyone with arseholes whilst not giving the slightest toss about it.”

Twitter said, “Yeah, we know we’ve got arseholes, and we’ve given you a nice button to tell us when you see an arsehole wriggling around anywhere on us.”

“Oh, sorry? What happens when the button is actually pressed? Oh, well,  that’s not really important, is it.”

“No, the Twitter joke trial was different, we took that seriously because that Tweeter cost a business actual cash money rather than just an individual some emotional distress.”

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