Friday 3 January 2014

State of Colorado reporting major cookie shortage


Colorado weed purchases now legal

The American state of Colorado is reporting a massive cookie shortage just days after the state legalised the sale of Marijuana.

With citizens able to legally buy weed since January 1st, supermarkets, drug stores and home owners across the state have claimed that all types of biscuit have become incredibly scarce.

With a maximum purchase of 1 oz, many Coloradans have insisted we should all just chill and relax about the shortage, insisting it’s all going to be OK before asking “are you going to eat that?”

“Biscuits, man, that’s a tough one. Have you ever listened to the word biscuit? I mean really listened. Biscuit. Biscuit. Bis. Cuit.”, explained one concerned Colorado resident.

Coloradoan grandmother Norma Williams told us, “Normally I’d have a couple of packs of cookies in the cupboard for when the grandkids come visit, but they’ve all gone, and the shelves at Wal-Mart were all empty.  I’m not sure what’s going on.”

“I think there must a statewide shortage of Mexican ingredients too, as the queue at Taco Bell went all the way around the block.”

Colorado selling weed

Emergency services have expressed apathy towards the cookie shortage, insisting that they have their own doughnut drought that needed addressing first.

As one officer explained “A lack of biscuits is not an emergency. Despite the several dozen 911 calls we’ve had about it this morning.”

“One gentleman claimed it was his first amendment right to have chocolate chip cookies at every grocery store.”

“He was very nice about it though, in fact they all are. Much better than the drunks.”

However concerned grandmother Williams went on, “I have an emergency stash of eight Pot Noodles for when the inevitable apocalypse happens – but by lunchtime yesterday they were all gone.”

“Even the curry one, which is frankly disgusting.”

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