Tuesday 31 December 2013 by Gary Stanton

Nigel Farage’s mouth targeted by hackers


Cyber criminals are suspected of hacking into Nigel Farage’s mouth after the UKIP leader apparently said something non-racist.

The alarm was raised after Farage suggested that refugees from Syria should be allowed into Britain to take advantage of what remains of the benefits system.

IT experts later confirmed that the UKIP leader’s gob had been infected with a version of the Stuxnet Liberal-Pro virus, which hijacks the tongue and is capable of generating up to five thousand non-racist statements per minute.

The severity of the infection became apparent when Mr Farage told the BBC’s Andrew Marr that people should ‘just chill’ about the influx of Romanian and Bulgarian migrants, most of whom ‘worked hard for a living and share the same basic humanity as you or I’.

Marr looked bemused by the behaviour of Farage, but continued the interview whilst calling for expert help in identifying the issue.

Nigel Farage ‘hacked’

Farage went on to describe Ainsley Harriot’s Cup a Soup range as ‘as good as anything produced by top aryan chefs such as Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay’, and was especially complimentary about Harriot’s “Funky Vegetable Chowder”.

Technicians have since worked round the clock to restore Farage’s mouth to its previous condition by running Norton Anti-Virus software.

Last night Farage’ mouth showed signs of ‘improvement’ after he clarified that, when talking about Syrian refugees, he ‘didn’t mean the muslim ones’.

However, fears are growing that Farage may have passed the virus on to fellow UKIP members after Godfrey Bloom suggested that he’d like nothing more than to be fucked up the arse by Peter Tatchell.

Story inspired by a tweet from SLATUKIP who you can follow here

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