Thursday 19 December 2013 Gary Stanton

Christmas on hold after turkey contracts strain of Man Flu


Turkey gets man-flu

Wirral Borough Council has said an 8 year-old turkey has become unbearable after contracting a strain of man flu not previously found in poultry.

The New Ferry Centre for Disease Control and Prevention said the bird had been infected with the M10N8 strain of man flu virus known to cause severe bouts of complaining, lethargy and a refusal to participate in basic household chores.

The World Health Organisation has described the most recent case of human-to-turkey transmission as “tiresome”.

Turkey Simon Williams first showed symptoms on Monday evening, including a slight sniffle and a feeling of ‘coming down with something’.

However, by Tuesday the disease had escalated into full-blown nausea, accompanied by a blocked beak and ruffled feathers.

Williams later downed three packets of Lemsip and rang his employer to say he was unlikely to turn up for his job at a meat processing factory this side of Christmas.

Turkey contracts man-flu

Tim O’ Leary of the WHO’s Wirral branch said, “It’s just been sat there watching TV wrapped in a blanket.”

“This outbreak is actually reminiscent of the one we had last December in which 300 geese avoided slaughter after contracting man flu off a bloke called Alan in work.”

“The strain M245G was later identified as ‘nasty’, but not actually that contagious.”

O Leary added, “Many of these birds are perfectly healthy, but are convinced they are about to die.”

“The safest way to prevent further transmission is by keeping them wrapped up in tin foil in a well-heated environment for at least two hours until their juices run clear.”

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