Wednesday 11 December 2013

Forger steals Damien Hurst’s Oleoylsarcosine declaring it ‘impossible to copy’


A man who has spent fifty years creating the best forgeries the art world has ever seen has admitted Damien Hurst’s Oleoylsarcosine left him completely baffled, and with no choice but to steal it.

He stole the painting after repeated attempts to recreate Hirst’s masterpiece left him ‘frustrated’ and doubting his abilities as a forger.

The forger explained, “The way he’s got all of those dots lined up in a straight line is just so difficult to replicate, and the circles are pretty much perfectly round, and they are all so consistently coloured.”

“It was a challenge, certainly, but I felt it was worth the effort if it’s worth thirty grand, don’t you agree?”

“I’ve spent a career creating incredible forgeries of all the great masters, Rembrandt, Dali, Van Gogh, Monet. My work would stand up to the scrutiny of all but the most diligent art experts.”

“But frankly Oleoylsarcosine left me stumped. It’s almost as if he’s created the forgery-proof piece of art.”

“That bastard.”

Damien Hurst art stolen

Non-art experts have been left bemused by the fact that Oleoylsarcosine is worth tens of thousands of pounds, when it appears it was created using MS Paint in approximately three minutes.

Ikea regular Simon Williams told us, “I’ve seen it, and I can’t help wondering if Damien Hurst is taking the piss out of us all?”

“I genuinely think he’s going to reveal himself as one of Sacha Baron Cohen’s characters any day now.”

“Let’s be honest, if you wanted a decent replica of that painting you could just hang the mat from the game Twister on the wall and no-one would notice the difference.”

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