Friday 6 December 2013

Grown man desperately asking people he hasn’t seen in twenty years for Candy Crush lives


A grown man with a mortgage and three children admitted this morning that he has been forced to request Candy Crush lives from a guy he used to sit next to at school in the mid-90s.

The man, who wishes to remain nameless, said he’d become hooked on the ridiculous Facebook-driven game during a long wait at an airport two months ago.

He told us, “It started like all these things do, with a harmless bit of fun, but before I knew it I was hooked.”

“I had friends on levels I could only dream of and I was taking toilet breaks at work just to get my candy crush fix.”

“It consumes my day, and when I make a mistake I find myself lashing out at those nearest to me.”

Candy Crush saga

“It’s got to the point where I’m asking for help from people on Facebook I befriended years ago without thinking.

“This one kid from school, who’s now an accountant in Birmingham, I sent him a note saying ‘I know we haven’t spoken since we did our GCSEs, but this is really important to me, can you give me a life? Or sign up via the invite I sent you? It would really help me out of a hole.’ I feel dirty.”

“When it gets to the point where I’m offering hand-jobs behind the pub for a couple of lives then I’ll worry, but I’m at least two weeks away from that.”

His colleagues have insisted they have little sympathy for a grown adult addicted to a game that was quite literally designed for children.

As one colleague explained, “Give him a life? He should think about getting one, first.”

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