Thursday 5 December 2013

Nigella Lawson spends eight hours excitedly telling everyone in court how brilliant the legal system is


Nigella Lawson spent an entire day in the dock at Isleworth Crown Court excitedly telling everyone assembled how brilliant everyone is for doing what they’re doing.

Appearing as a witness in the fraud trial of her former assistants, the celebrity chef appeared wide-eyed and excitable as she made her way through the courtroom chatting to everyone along the way.

After taking her place in the dock she told the court, “I know you’re only here to do a job, right? But it’s really amazing what you do, yeah? With all the justice and that, I just feel that, when I really think about it, the legal system is an amazing thing that we should all feel really great about – I know I feel really great about it right now.”

“Do you feel as great about it as I do, I know I feel really great about it, it’s amazing. Wow, this place has a really incredible energy, don’t you think? Am I the only one here who feels like dancing?”

“What was the question again? What’s my name? Yes, it’s Nigella Lawson.”

Nigella Lawson in court

Court reporters explained that lunchtime arrived before Lawson had managed to answer a single question, though she did insist that she and the stenographer become best friends.

Reporter Simon Williams told us, “She seemed to suffer what I guess you might call a ‘bit of a lull’ before lunch and each recess, but a quick toilet break and she was back as excitedly as she’d been in the first place.”

“She has incredible stamina for a 53 year-old.”

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