Wednesday 4 December 2013 by Gary Stanton

Liverpool in 40 million swoop for Amazon drone


Liverpool have added to their firepower up front with the big bucks signing of an Amazon drone, according to reports this afternoon.

With striker Daniel Sturridge currently sidelined, the LFC board gave their approval for the series 3000 drone, which can deliver a ball on target within thirty minutes of an order being placed.

The drone, named XZ3000-P45, is no stranger to Premier League football and recently completed a stint at Chelsea, where it spent 6 months hovering above the bench next to Fernando Torres.

An initial training session is said to have gone well, although there was a minor bust up when Raheem Sterling used it to order an iPad for his girlfriend.

The four-footed dynamo is understood to be lethal in the air and has so far consistently managed to out-jump the Liverpool back four.

Liverpool sign drone

Liverpool boss, Brendan Rodgers, lured the drone with promises of Champions League football and regular servicing by a Corgi-registered mechanic.

Rodgers said, “When it’s inside the six yard box, you must remember to click ‘Add to basket’ or the fucker sends it out for a throw-in.”

“There will always be teething problems and I still haven’t forgiven it for trying to gift-wrap Luis Suarez.”

Meanwhile XZ3000, who recently generated three smaller drones, has been preparing for life on Merseyside with the purchase of a five-bedroom house in Lower Heswall.

While the signing will raise expectations around Anfield, fears abound that Rogers will use it to order more useless shite in the January transfer window.

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