Thursday 21 November 2013

Hull still exactly like you think it is


Despite being named UK city of Culture for 2017, Hull remains precisely as you imagine it to be, according to reports this morning.

After fighting off the cultural might of Swansea, Leicester and Dundee, Hull city officials have insisted they won’t let their newly found success change them in any way whatsoever.

City spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “Hull is, was, and always will be precisely the sort of place you’re picturing in your head right now.”

“Yes, it’s very grey, yes it’s raining, and yes the people around me don’t look particularly happy right at this moment.”

“But that’s not to say they’re not carrying joy in their hearts.”

“I mean, they’re probably not – they live in Hull after all – but you can’t be certain, can you?”

Hull city of culture

Unsuccessful Swansea bid spokesperson Gethin Jones told reporters they were extremely disappointed to lose out to a city that wouldn’t make most people’s ‘Top 300 hundred places in the north’ list.

He told reporters, “I could live with losing to somewhere like Manchester, or London – but Hull?  This really is a kick in the swingers, let me tell you.”

Other losing finalist Leicester said they were surprised at the news of their runner-up position after it was discovered their entry was actually a coursework submission from a GCSE geography student who posted it to the wrong address by mistake.

A Spokesperson said, “The document was about the dearth of supermarket car parks in the city.  And we still made the top three.”

“I think that says everything you need to know the state of the UK’s cultural health.”

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