Wednesday 13 November 2013

UKIP to sponsor the coffins of dead soldiers


UKIP is to step up its programme of inappropriate branding, by sponsoring the coffins of dead soldiers returning from conflicts abroad.

After deploying UKIP branded wreaths at Remembrance Day services around the country, the political party said the subsequent media coverage means the new tactic is definitely working.

A UKIP spokesperson told us, “We want people to really understand what UKIP is all about, and the best way to do that is to shove our logo in their faces when they’re feeling incredibly emotional.”

“Our entire philosophy relies on people being in a heightened emotional state, but rather than that emotion being ‘anger’ at something we’ve blown out of all proportion, now we’re focussing on grief.”

“Just think, if people are this emotional about soldiers who died 70 years ago, imagine how emotional they’ll be about soldiers who died last week.”

“By the time the local elections come round in May we could be on the tip of the tongue of everyone who watches the news.”

UKIP Remembrance wreath

Marketing experts have claimed that UKIP are taking the ‘no such thing as bad publicity’ ideology a little far with their latest stunt.

Brand consultant Simon Williams told us, “Look, I’m all for creative ideas that get you noticed – but even a soulless corporate mercenary like me would draw the line at exploiting the memory of dead soldiers for political gain.”

“It is quite ‘in your face’. But then again, if you’re the sort of person who looks for subtlety and nuance in your everyday surroundings, then you’re probably not going to vote UKIP anyway.”

“I’m just surprised they’re not adding a sub-heading to the coffins saying ‘Foreigners did this’.”

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