Thursday 7 November 2013

UK spy chiefs to give answers to MPs before they officially hear the questions


The heads of the UK’s intelligence agencies will reel off a series of answers to questions that have not yet been asked at today’s select committee hearing, according to reports.

Representatives from GCHQ, MI5 and MI6 will look to speed up the process by answering the questions MPs have spent the last few days preparing, before they’ve officially heard them.

GCHQ director Sir Iain Lobban told MPs, “The emails between you and your aides went back and forth and back and forth about the best way to phrase these questions, so we thought it best if we just give you the answers straight away.”

“It saves us all a lot of time if I just go right ahead and answer the questions from your email at 7:38 this morning, and then I can get back to invading your privacy before rush-hour.”

“Also, you shouldn’t ignore emails from your mother, so we took the liberty of responding on your behalf. She’ll see you for lunch on Sunday at 12.”

Spy chiefs go before MPs

The select committee appearance is the first time the heads of the intelligence services have appeared in such a public setting, and security analysts claim it is the perfect opportunity for them to show what they can do.

MI5 director general Andrew Parker explained, “We know absolutely every single thing about each MP around that table, and we won’t hesitate to show it.”

“I would imagine their tone will be entirely friendly once we’ve revealed a fact or two about their personal lives, and that secret hotmail account they didn’t think we knew about.”

“Honestly, I’m kinda looking forward to it.”

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