Thursday 31 October 2013

Middle classes demand urgent government action on global wine shortage


Dwindling wine stocks have finally given the middle classes a reason to become passionate about politics, forcing them to insist the government takes urgent action to prevent a crisis.

With consumption beating production by 300 million cases in the last year, many middle-class couples have claimed their entire way of life is threatened by the looming disaster.

Accountant Simon Williams told us, “People talk about energy prices and benefits like they’re some sort of life or death issue. But trust me, things just got serious.”

“Whether disabled benefit claimants get any money or not is one thing, but if I can’t get a decent Pinot Noir for less than £20 then someone is losing their vote.”

“This is a very real threat to our entire way of life! God, we might even have to drink domestic. DOMESTIC! Oh the humanity.”

Wine shortage

Wine suppliers have warned that the reduced global stocks could lead to inevitable prices rises for your favourite bottle.

Williams went on, “If ever there was a case for market interference, this is it.”

“Ed Miliband thinks there’s a case to cap energy prices does he? Well, let’s see him promise a wine price freeze and I’ll even consider joining the red peril.”

“That’s how serious this is.”

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