Friday 25 October 2013 by Gary Stanton

Defiant Grangemouth worker now regretting telling bosses to ‘fuck off’


Grangemouth employee Simon McWilliams faces an uncertain future tonight after prematurely telling his bosses at the resurrected plant to go and fuck themselves.

After Operator Ineos announced on Wednesday that the plant was to shut, with the loss of 800 jobs, McWilliams took the opportunity to unleash thirty years of pent-up bitterness by telling his boss to fuck off.

Taking up a fellow union rep’s loud-hailer, McWilliams went on to inform the company’s CEO that he could ‘go fuck himself sideways with a thistle branch’ and that he’d ‘see the rotten two-faced c**t in hell.’

This morning, however, a deal was struck to keep the petrochemical plant open during a meeting of senior union reps that McWilliams failed to attend.

The move was later greeted by huge cheers from the workforce, except for McWilliams who responded with muted applause and a hollow stare.

Grangemouth saved

McWilliams said later, “I may have been a little hasty in my condemnation of bosses and the ensuing graffiti campaign which I initiated in the work’s toilet area and parts of Falkirk town centre.”

“I also wish to apologise for the crude sketches of my boss Daniel Macintyre being anally penetrated by David Cameron, which appeared on several office printers and were then circulated liberally to employees about to collect their P45s.”

“It’s Christmas soon and my wee boy Charlie wants an XBox.”

Meanwhile, his former boss Danny Macintyre admitted he was surprised by the ferocity of McWilliams’ attacks.

“Some of the things said by Simon were very hurtful and it might not be so easy to smooth things over, especially with those in the company hierarchy earning barely upwards of 200k a year, not to mention the soc-called ‘generous’ bonuses,” he told us.

“That said, Simon was a good worker and I, for one, would be happy to have him back if he can shed any light on which individual it was who sent a dead rat to my wife and left a steaming great turd on my laptop.”

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