Monday 16 September 2013 by Gary Stanton

Nick Clegg to be forced to wear full face veil in public


Nick Clegg may be forced to adopt an Islamic style veil to prevent the public being exposed to his lying face, according to reports.

The move follows a survey in which a majority insisted they find Clegg’s face deeply offensive and would rather look at a catastrophic pile-up on the M1.

At the Lib Dem conference in Glasgow many of Clegg’s own MPs walked out in disgust after their leader’s face was projected onto a big screen.

Lib Dem MP Jeremy Browne said, “As a liberal, I am instinctively uneasy about restricting the freedom of individuals to look at Clegg’s face.”

“However, there is a genuine debate about whether people should be compelled to look at it when they would much rather watch a van load of puppies being decapitated by a scary clown wielding a chainsaw.”

“My own view is that it should be a ski mask or an inside-out latex William Shatner mould like in the Halloween films.”

Clegg set for veil

Browne’s comments follow a decision last week by Birmingham Metropolitan college to ban Clegg’s face between the hours of 8am to roughly when the cleaner locks up.

The Lib Dem leader’s mug is already banned in several EU countries including France, Lithuania and Estonia, while a heavily pixelated version is still permissible in some areas of Wales.

Although Albania recently voted to allow segments of Clegg’s visage, depictions of Danny Alexander are considered blasphemous and are punishable by stoning.

The Lib Dem Conference, meanwhile, is to table a motion later today on whether Clegg should be forced to walk ten yards behind Vince Cable.

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