Friday 13 September 2013

African children hail price of ‘better value’ Premier League season tickets


Children across the African content have welcomed a 2.4% fall in the average price of season tickets in the Premier League, insisting it was about time something was done to help struggling football fans.

The BBC survey found that whilst some prices had risen, the average cost was lower for the first time in many years.

Damisi Narkwan, a 9 year-old Congolese villager told us, “Finally our prayers have been answered, and the average white man can enjoy watching millionaires run around for two hours for the low, low-cost of just a year’s food for me and brothers and sisters.”

“It was previously a year and a week.  So this is just amazing news to all of us sat here in the dirt.”

“We may struggle to eat, but knowing there are people out there who might have had to rely on Match of Day for their football fix is simply heart-breaking.”

Season Ticket prices

Another malnourished child explained that ever since last year’s 11% price rise was announced, they had been finding it really difficult to get motivated for the six-mile walk to the nearest well each morning.

They told us, “I would wake up, happy to still be alive, and smile to myself.”

“But then I’d think of the sacrifices the average English football fan was having to make to renew a season ticket, and I would get sad and just want to sit down and cry.”

“Honestly, I don’t know how they got out of their huts each morning.”

“But we prayed every day that God would help them, and praise Jesus he has!”

“Hallelujah!”

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