Wednesday 11 September 2013

Simon Cowell announces plans for One Direction ballet


Simon Cowell has unveiled his latest plan to bastardise the arts with the announcement of a One Direction ballet.

Following the success of the One Direction film, which contains behind the scenes footage since they were manufactured by Cowell, the X Factor creator has decided further cash can be extracted from the followers of the band.

Media Analyst Jake Williams told us, “What we’ve seen with the One Direction film is that teenage girls will spend money on anything, even 90 minutes of footage that looks like it was shot with a potato – if it has One Direction on it.”

“And what’s better than getting them to spend ten pounds on a ticket? Getting them to spend fifty pounds on a ticket.  So ballet is the logical next step.”

“Men in tights dancing to that song they did, or the other song they did, will be coming to a theatre near you soon.”

One Direction Ballet

Cowell was asked by reporters about his plans for the ballet, and why he decided to make one.

He said, “I suppose you’re looking for something more than ‘because I can’?”

“Well tough.”

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