Tuesday 10 September 2013

Women to add ‘testicle measurement’ to first date check list


First date conversations could soon include questions about your career, family and testicle size, men were told this morning.

After new research revealed a link between testicle size and a man’s ability to commit to raising a family, bollock diameter suddenly became more important than the car you drive.

Single woman Lucy Williams told us, “What’s the point of dating a man with a nice shiny car if he’s going to be off chasing the next bit of skirt due to his oversized swingers?”

“Am I suddenly better off dating a man with a pair of dried plums in his pants?”

“I mean, I find nappies absolutely disgusting, so it would be useful to have a man who could do that for me.  Should I look for a man with no testicles at all?”

Testicle size research

Men have welcomed with the news, insisting that a good feel of their dangly bits could make early dates much more interesting.

29 year old Shane Matthews told us, “As a modern single man I normally have to sit through four or five dates worth of inane conversation for that sort of treatment.”

“And normally once they learn I still live with my parents and work in a cinema any genital contact tends to be taken off the table.”

“But I think from now on I will lead with my distinctly average-sized gonads.”

“I’ve already updated my Match.com profile.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: