Thursday 29 August 2013 by Gary Stanton

Miniature lab-grown brains intending to vote UKIP


Miniature human brains have been grown in a laboratory in a development which scientists hope will transform our understanding of Nigel Farage.

The pea-sized structures, which were grown from stem cell cultures, reached the same level of development as a 49 year-old UKIP voter, but are capable of independent thoughts.

Sweeping moral issues aside, the scientists exposed the brains to a range of newspaper articles and listened in as they “chatted” about immigration.

“What we found was incredible”, said Cell Biologist Elliot Stuffins.

“We showed them a Daily Mail piece about migrants eating the Queen’s swans and the twats took it completely at face value.”

“When we introduced brains from separate cultures to the experiment, the original brains accused us of buying into the BBC’s leftist multicultural agenda.”

Miniature brains

Boffins are now likely to face questions as to whether developing UKIP voters in a lab is ethical.

Brain A37200Q said, “This flotation tank is already overcrowded. Imagine what it will be like when Serbia joins the EU and we have 29 million other rudimentary foreign organs stealing our nutrients.”

Neighbouring brain A346721F agreed: “This used to be such a nice area to float around in,”

“But since those other brains moved in it stinks of curry and bhangra music. Enoch was right.”

It concluded,  “The scientists here reckon I’m a racist, but I’m only saying what the other brains are thinking.”

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