Tuesday 20 August 2013

Arsene Wenger joins nation in not giving tiniest shit about Alan Pardew’s feelings


Arsenal’s Arsene Wenger this morning spoke of his confusion as to why Newcastle manager Alan Pardew believed his feelings are somehow important.

Pardew said he was disappointed with how Wenger had dealt with the potential transfer of Yohan Cabaye by not considering how it might affect Alan Pardew.

Wenger told reporters, “I hear that Pardew is upset, but I’ve had a look in my bag of bothereds, and I’m afraid it’s completely empty.”

“I can honestly say I’d struggle to give any less of a shit about what the Newcastle manager feels about my attempts to buy players for Arsenal.”

“If he has somehow been led to believe that his feelings are in any way important to me, or anyone at Arsenal, then I can only apologise for whoever gave him that impression.”

“Because I assure you all they definitely aren’t.”

Alan Pardew’s feelings

Football fans have spoken of their confusion at Pardew’s disappointment, insisting his feelings are about as important as the Blue Square North league.

Football fan Simon Williams told us, “I haven’t given the tiniest of shits about Alan Pardew since he was given an eight-year contract at Newcastle United.”

“In fact, if we put Alan Pardew’s feelings on a list of things I care about, it would be somewhere near the bottom just below who Katie Price is currently shagging and whether David Cameron’s back is hurting him today.”

“I don’t if affected his feelings, but it appears that someone bidding for his player made him a shit manager overnight – it’s the only explanation for yesterday’s result.”

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