Tuesday 13 August 2013

Sharp rise in ‘pain in the arse’ kids


There has been a sharp rise in Ritalin prescriptions for kids that display no symptoms other than being a massive pain in the arse.

Prescriptions for methylphenidate drugs, including Ritalin, rose 50% in the last six years as parents finally admitted that drugs are easier than ‘parenting’.

Parent Sharon Williams told us, “My Kelvin is a bit of a nightmare to be honest, but when I drug him up to the eyeballs it’s so much easier to get him to do as he’s told.”

“Just screaming at him didn’t seem to make much difference.”

“Sure, I could try reading a few parenting books to learn how to modify his behaviour, but the drugs are SO much easier.”

“I just go to the doctor and tell him how I read about this ADHD thing and he gives me a bucket load of pills for Kelvin. It’s ace.”

ADHD prescription rise

Parenting groups have called for a change in policy which sees children who don’t behave like they’ve come straight from the set of the Sound of Music given enough pills to knock out an elephant.

Psychoanalyst Christine Matthews told us, “Most children are a pain in the arse, most of the time, and the sooner we all come to accept this the better for all concerned.”

“Just because little Tyler plays up in his Maths class doesn’t mean he has a behavioural disorder, it just means he doesn’t like Maths.”

“Which is perfectly understandable if you think about it.”

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