Tuesday 13 August 2013 by Gary Stanton

Near-death experiences dismissed as ‘brains taking piss out of you’


A surge of electrical activity in the brains of fantasists could be responsible for the so-called near death experience, according to scientists.

A study carried out on dying rats found high levels of brain waves in cognitive areas associated with ‘making stuff up’.

In an experiment US researchers induced heart attacks in lab rats by firing them repeatedly at a wall. The ‘deceased’ rats were then monitored for signs of brain activity.

Professor Simon Williams said, “What’s clear to us that is that, had these rats been able to talk, they would have come back with fantastical tales of having passed down a long dark sewer with a light at the end of it – perhaps due to a poorly-fitted manhole cover.”

“They would have gone on to describe some clichéd after-death realm in which they communicated telepathically with a supreme rat being that may or may not have been wearing a long white cloak.”

Near-death experiences

Williams went on, “Like humans who report similar experiences, they are nothing but attention seekers, driven by a desire to tell tall stories, such as a one-to-one with a judgemental rodent God.”

“Originally we thought that the brain just shuts down, but, if anything, it is much more active during the dying process than even the waking state. So much for dying peacefully in your sleep.”

Williams concluded, “I can quite categorically state that when you die you pass into a state of eternal nothingness.”

“All your accumulated knowledge, all your hopes and dreams are crushed into a meaningless void that goes on forever.”

“A bit like joining a Post Office queue.”

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