Tuesday 6 August 2013

World first as burger is made entirely from lab grown arseholes


The world’s first lab-grown burger, made entirely of animal arseholes grown from stem cells has been cooked and eaten at a news conference in London.

Scientists took cells from a cow and, at an institute in the Netherlands, turned them into strips of arsehole, eyeball and gristle that they combined to make a patty.

One food expert said it was “just like the real thing” and another said it tasted as juicy as supermarket bought arseholes and offal.

Researchers say the technology could be a sustainable way of meeting what they say is a growing demand for terrible quality burgers.

As one explained, “A cursory glance at a shopping basket in any Iceland store will tell you that the public has an insatiable desire to eat the absolute worst parts of an animal you could imagine.”

“But now none of these animals have to die in the process.”

Stem cell burger

The burger was cooked by chef Richard McGeown, from Cornwall, and tasted by food critics Simon Williams and Deirdre Matthews.

McGeown told us, “The difficulty in this process is creating a buger that people recognise as tasting like a real burger.”

“We tried making actual meat, but people rejected it as tasting ‘fake’, right up until we lowered the quality so that all that was left was the dregs of a dead animal.”

“Our colleagues growing new eyes for blind mice gave us a few pointers, and once we added a bit more eyeball the taste was suddenly ‘familiar and delicious.”

Food taster Williams said, “I think this bite had what looks like a cow’s eyelash in it – that’s a scientific marvel right there.”

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