Wednesday 31 July 2013

The main issue is that people are basically shits, admits Twitter


The major downside of a society that promotes free speech is that most people are essentially despicable shits, according to social network Twitter.

With a large rise in the number of abusive messages sent via the micro-messaging platform, many have asked Twitter to step in and take steps to prevent it.

Twitter Chief Executive Dick Costolo told reporters, “Before we start looking at the technology, how about we do something as a society about people being reprehensible bastards, all of the bloody time?”

“No technology on the planet is capable of stopping someone being a complete dick.

“And unfortunately there’s an awful lot of them out there. The chances are you know at least one complete prick online, and if you don’t, then it’s probably you.

“Simply put, if we let complete arseholes buy computers and smartphones then they are going to find their way onto the Internet, unfortunately.”

Twitter abuse

Technologists have suggested that steps could be taken to prevent online abuse by sticking a penis to the profile picture of anyone found to have abused another user online.

Tech Analyst Simon Williams told us, “It might be the staple of every primary school playground, but no-one likes a picture of a penis stuck to them. Particularly not on the Internet where everyone can see it.

“Maybe Twitter could have a specialist Photoshop team dedicated to turning online abusers into penises? You know, as a deterrent?

“Yes it’s very juvenile, but since we’re dealing with morons we might just have to sink to their level.”

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