Thursday 25 July 2013

Wonga.com retaliates by unveiling ‘believable’ religion


Payday lender Wonga.com has stepped up its increasingly fractious trade war with the Church of England by announcing a religion.

As the Church said it was moving into the payday lending business, Wonga said a move into religion was the logical next step for their business empire.

Wonga Chief Executive Errol Damelin said, “As businesses both us and the church are targeting vulnerable people who really should know better – so there’s a lot of synergy here.”

“The Wonga religion won’t make ridiculous claims about returns you’ll never see, like eternal afterlife. Where’s the criticism over your fine print on that one, eh Justin?”

“But what we can offer is men in strange outfits, happy clappy songs and uncomfortable seating on Sunday mornings – no problem.”

Wonga religion

Claims that the Wonga religion would be full of logical holes, and be easily dismissed by anyone capable of original thought have been strenuously denied.

Damelin went on, “We haven’t got all of the details sorted out but we may be working with Wetherspoons, what with them having plenty of cheap bread and wine.”

“Clearly we don’t have a coherent moral and spiritual code, but frankly neither does most of the clergy and at least we can offer gay marriage.”

“Plus we’ve got a great customer base to target already.”

Asked if he wanted to take on the Catholic Church he said, “The Church of England is one thing, but when it comes to an ingrained history of child abuse, misplaced guilt, irrational superstition and celibacy we will leave it to the experts.”

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